The darkness

This is just something I wrote a little while ago and re read recently and felt a power from it.

It's those of us that feel abandoned by our families and friends. Those of us who feel outcast and ignored. It's us that turn to darkness when light fails us.  And if this light is so good why did it fail us in the first place. Why am I and everyone like me left to fend for ourselves left to realise the mind is an awful place to think, the heart it a horrible place to stay and that nothing can mean anything with out both and none of all of it, that we are all alone, lost, searching, confused, angry.

As I sit surrounded by a promise of light, I feel trapped and lost all at once, I feel scared and powerful, weak and indestructible. I cannot think one train of thought, for the mind doesn't not stop, but I must as I am pulled in so many directions, to so many "lights" that the darkness comforts me, as I sleep I'm held in it's arms, as I breathe I inhale it, while I close my eyes it relaxes me. 

For darkness does not make promises it cannot keep, it just offers what it has with honesty.

In darkness I am me, not a me as seen by others, not a me as thought of by others, not even the me I think of myself, but the truest me. 

I am left both defenceless and protected, and not once do I feel pulled or pushed or forced, I feel peace,honesty, openness. I cannot always live in darkness, or so I am told, but I do not have to for the darkness can live in me.


This is my work and may not be used without credit. 

Anxiety the killer

Anxiety is a killer, it causes so much pain and destruction.

   It kills your confidence and self esteem, it kills your happiness, it kills your hobbies. 

It takes it all and at this point in my life it's killing me.

  I have yet to find my fight, I'm trying but anyone who suffers with anxiety will tell you, it's hard.

It's hard to ask for help when you have an anxiety attack just at the thought of leaving the house or making a phone call or talking to someone you don't know.

  Family and friends are so important when you suffer with anxiety because they are/ can be your first port of call and I know from experience it's not easy, they might not understand but they love you and want you to be happy so they can help you get help.

Now at this point a lot of people with anxiety will go 

     " yeah um but..."

      " what if...."

And might say they feel like a burden and they don't want to cause any problems....well STOP !

  I know you might not believe me but I'm telling you.

   You are not a burden!

You may also think it's not that bad or others have it worse so why should you complain..if something is causing you problems and/or feel bad and not letting you live your life the way you have every right too then it is fucking important!

And please never feel like it's only anxiety if you have this symptom or suffer that way. If you're having a problem get help. You're loved sand things will get better. 

   We'll get through this. 

Kezia 

Image from Tumblr