Driving with anxiety

Learning to drive, while dealing with anxiety has been a process, not just learning to drive but learning how to deal with the anxiety that accompanies it.

I took a week off from my weekly lessons because my test got canceled and I decided i haven't take a week off since April, I think I regret it. The anxiety had never gone away completely, I had gotten more comfortable with the situation but the anxiety never truly calmed and after taking a week off my anxiety about going back is worse.

Sometimes I just wish things were easy, that I could just get back on the horse instead on cowering in the corner but if things were easy I wouldn't grow, so here I'm hoping that when the day comes I haven't forgotten what I'm doing.

Yay anxiety....

Driving update 2

So I'm about 13 ish ( I lost count) lessons in and not much has changed. I'm still having really bad anxiety and panic attacks the day and night before and the morning of, but I still get in the car and drive.

I no longer want my instructor to do it all for me as I know I am capable but I still vibrate with anxiety the whole time. (Interesting choice of words me)

We have been talking theory and practical tests which brings a whole different level of panic which sucks but it's something i'll have to deal with eventually, not that knowing that makes it any easy if anything knowing that I have to face it makes it worse.

I don't get as paranoid at traffic lights, ok maybe I do I'm just better at accepting it than before because I do feel slightly more confident than last time I updated. (yay things are looking up)

I'll update again in a few weeks or sooner if anything changes.

In the mean time, if anyone actually reads this and has any advice or idea to help or even a story to share about their experiences, please let me know.

The thing about....anxiety

The thing with anxiety is even when you're happy or comfortable with something, it's still there, it's still offering unhealthy and harmful thoughts, still nudging the back of your mind, it doesn't let you forget.
It wants to be felt, it wants you to know.

I am getting better with correcting these thoughts and trying to stop them before they escalate, but it's still a struggle.

Anxiety the killer

Anxiety is a killer, it causes so much pain and destruction.

   It kills your confidence and self esteem, it kills your happiness, it kills your hobbies. 

It takes it all and at this point in my life it's killing me.

  I have yet to find my fight, I'm trying but anyone who suffers with anxiety will tell you, it's hard.

It's hard to ask for help when you have an anxiety attack just at the thought of leaving the house or making a phone call or talking to someone you don't know.

  Family and friends are so important when you suffer with anxiety because they are/ can be your first port of call and I know from experience it's not easy, they might not understand but they love you and want you to be happy so they can help you get help.

Now at this point a lot of people with anxiety will go 

     " yeah um but..."

      " what if...."

And might say they feel like a burden and they don't want to cause any problems....well STOP !

  I know you might not believe me but I'm telling you.

   You are not a burden!

You may also think it's not that bad or others have it worse so why should you complain..if something is causing you problems and/or feel bad and not letting you live your life the way you have every right too then it is fucking important!

And please never feel like it's only anxiety if you have this symptom or suffer that way. If you're having a problem get help. You're loved sand things will get better. 

   We'll get through this. 

Kezia 

Image from Tumblr