Complicated simplicity

Life is so...I don't want to say complicated but I suppose it's a cliche for a reason.

Not because it is or because we make it so, but because that's all we know, the wars our countries fight are complicated, the way our governments work is complicated. 

Nothing is as simple as it should be, we have to ask ourselves 20 questions before we allow ourselves to buy that Top or those shoes.

We have to ask the exact right questions to the exact right person to get any help or answers, because no one will offer up their help.

I don't understand why people can't just be honest, why people don't offer help, why nothing is as simple as it should be.

One if my new goals is to live simply, be honest, help people, if I want something I'll get it, because this money and these houses, my phone, none of it will mean anything when I'm ill or dead.

I lied!!

I suck as a human! I can't commit! But I'm going to keep fucking trying and that's all I  can do.

So this past few weeks I realised how much time I spend wishing to be like others, be it have their sense of style or their lifestyle, i haven't been happy with myself and that sucks. And because I've spent so much time thinking like this I've forgotten what I want as me. Who am I ? What do I like? Where is this going ? Feeling like I'm stuck in a bit of rut.

On the plus side I've been quite productive these past couple of days and I'm proud of that.

Oh I am so going to start celebrating small victories.

Peace and love. Kez x

The journey to loving myself

This year every week or every other week I will be make a post about either what I did that week or what I am planning for the week ahead of a task or similar for finding self love.

Loving myself is something I have always struggled with so this year I want to change that and I hope if anyone reads this or future posts they find something helpful.

Here's to a new year and all the amazing things to come.

Love Kez.

Dear world

Why do things happen ? Why are things the way they are? Why can't something's be changed ? 

Why are some of us forced to live this way and I say that as one of the lucky ones, and if I'm suffering and I'm lucky I can't even fathom how the unlucky ones suffer.

Why is it so hard to change the world for the better but it's so easily corrupt?

Dear life, please point me in the direction of the closest exit becuse I can't watch nor be a part of this anymore.

If this generation are this bad I don't want to see what the next has in store.

Dear world, why is it so easy for us to destroy you and yet you're the only one we have and once that ends so do we.

 Why do we not realise our mortality until it's to late ? 

Why do I have so many questions and why are so many unnswered ? 

The darkness

This is just something I wrote a little while ago and re read recently and felt a power from it.

It's those of us that feel abandoned by our families and friends. Those of us who feel outcast and ignored. It's us that turn to darkness when light fails us.  And if this light is so good why did it fail us in the first place. Why am I and everyone like me left to fend for ourselves left to realise the mind is an awful place to think, the heart it a horrible place to stay and that nothing can mean anything with out both and none of all of it, that we are all alone, lost, searching, confused, angry.

As I sit surrounded by a promise of light, I feel trapped and lost all at once, I feel scared and powerful, weak and indestructible. I cannot think one train of thought, for the mind doesn't not stop, but I must as I am pulled in so many directions, to so many "lights" that the darkness comforts me, as I sleep I'm held in it's arms, as I breathe I inhale it, while I close my eyes it relaxes me. 

For darkness does not make promises it cannot keep, it just offers what it has with honesty.

In darkness I am me, not a me as seen by others, not a me as thought of by others, not even the me I think of myself, but the truest me. 

I am left both defenceless and protected, and not once do I feel pulled or pushed or forced, I feel peace,honesty, openness. I cannot always live in darkness, or so I am told, but I do not have to for the darkness can live in me.


This is my work and may not be used without credit. 

Left behind

Being in your early twenties is supposed to one of the best times of your life. 

Your "supposed" to be doing great things, finishing university, finding a great job, finding "the one".

We're taught from a young age that there is a sort of "list" of things we're supposed to do in life, and for people like me who don't know what they want to do, or what they want from life yet feel left behind, like we're failing at a life we've bearly begun to explore.

And that's the thing, there is no list of things we have to do, no time limit to when and what we do.

I'm still struggling with this myself, while I watch people I went to school with starting families of their own, graduating and getting their dream job, I'm sitting at home thinking "what the actuall fuck" as I realise my mum's not home and I'm going to have to cook for myself.

We have to remember time is a human conception, we invented time,no other spiecies lives to minutes and hours like we do. 

We don't need to know what we want to do at 22 even at 32. There is no hurry, just focus on being ourselves and being human. Dolphins don't panic about being rich and famous, dogs don't worry about what time they have to get up. 

Do what you feel is right for you right now. 

Hopefully I'll get better at remembering this myself. 

Say hello to my likkle friend!

No but seriously I wanted to show off my adorable little kitty.

His name is Timmy. 

He is part Norwegian forest cat and I loves him.   

I've had him for about 2years and got him when he was 14weeks old although I met him when he was only 10 weeks old.

This is Timmy facetiming with Sherif (my besties bunny)

This is him hiding in a McDonalds bag hehe!

This is where he sleeping while I write this.