Angry at myself

I get so fucking angry some times and this is something I have spoken about with therapists and been to anger management about and it doesn't work, even the therapists have said it doesn't work it's just there to make people feel better.

Anyway, some of the worst times I've felt angry is when I'm angry at myself, today for example I'm angry at myself because I saw someone doing something I've wanted to do for about 8 years but haven't got the confidence and such to do it, so I'm angry and frustrated and just AAARRGGH!!

I hate it, yes I'd rather be angry at myself than someone else but I tend to be self destructive when I'm angry at myself, the other problem is it doesn't motivate me, it makes me shut down.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this but it's done now so...

Second, first driving lesson

I did it! So I spent the morning shaking and feeling sick and I may or may not have cried...but I did it, I left the house and I drove.

I must admit I was glad when it was over, but I'm also so proud of myself for doing it, I shook through the lesson but didn't crash and that's always a good thing. 

Anxiety has stopped me from doing things so many time that I kind of get used to it, this time I'm so determind to do this and see it through. 

Anxiety can not rule my life (it will probably still rule most of it though, only for now!)

I got this!

Learning to drive....again.

Being 22 and not being able to drive sucks, there is so much I think I might be able to do if only I had a way to get there. So I'm restarting my driving lessons tomorrow! Tomorrow! I have been quite on edge since it was booked, shakes and having to remember to breathe because just the thought so filling me with anxiety and oh my god!

  I know I'll do it, I want to, but that doesn't make it any easier..so here goes nothing...