Sunday, 13 December 2015
I took a week off from my weekly lessons because my test got canceled and I decided i haven't take a week off since April, I think I regret it. The anxiety had never gone away completely, I had gotten more comfortable with the situation but the anxiety never truly calmed and after taking a week off my anxiety about going back is worse.
Sometimes I just wish things were easy, that I could just get back on the horse instead on cowering in the corner but if things were easy I wouldn't grow, so here I'm hoping that when the day comes I haven't forgotten what I'm doing.
Saturday, 14 November 2015
Saturday, 1 August 2015
So far so good, the first sort of itching I've had have started today and a little bit of aloe and it was fine. I had some pin prick bleeding on the day, but nothing since. I got some small blisters but nothing painful, nothing that caused a problem. It has been a little tender (felt like I had a bruise) but only if I put too much pressure on it.
I have already noticed some fading, and am feeling really good about it looking forward to my next session (which makes me sounds like a masochist ).
Week one complete.
If anything changes I'll update if nothing major happens I'll update in a couple of weeks.
Friday, 24 July 2015
This morning at 11am I had my first laser tattoo removal session at a local clinic.
It took a while for me to chose this clinic and I looked around, checked reviews, and settled on this one, I booked a consultation, the people were nice, the building was clean, the technician was honest and to the point, yet friendly and welcoming.
I went home and spoke with my mum about it and we decided this was the one. we booked my first session and now here we are.
I'll start with a bit about my tattoo, its sheet music on my lower arm on the outside, very poorly done, was already very faded, only about a year old, terrible scratcher job.
My first session, I arrived just before my appointment this morning, was seen too and taken to the room almost immediately. The technician sat down and went over all the important information with me and the moved me to the bed. I sat on a chair with my arm on the bed, had a photo of the tattoo taken and she explain exactly what she was going to do, gave me my googles asked if I was ready, I said yes and she started.
The pain. The pain was apparent but not intolerable, I had to think to talk through it, but I could still talk. The procedure barely took 5 minutes so the pain didn't last long either. The technician the applied aloe vera gel wrapped me up and I was headed out the door again. I was in the building for about 15 minutes maximum.
5 hours on and I'm feeling good, slight tingling sensation and some swelling but I'm not in pain or uncomfortable in anyway.
Overall it was a very pleasant experience, I'm impressed with the everything I've experienced so far, I will update again in 7 days to see how things have been.
Tuesday, 14 July 2015
I no longer want my instructor to do it all for me as I know I am capable but I still vibrate with anxiety the whole time. (Interesting choice of words me)
We have been talking theory and practical tests which brings a whole different level of panic which sucks but it's something i'll have to deal with eventually, not that knowing that makes it any easy if anything knowing that I have to face it makes it worse.
I don't get as paranoid at traffic lights, ok maybe I do I'm just better at accepting it than before because I do feel slightly more confident than last time I updated. (yay things are looking up)
I'll update again in a few weeks or sooner if anything changes.
In the mean time, if anyone actually reads this and has any advice or idea to help or even a story to share about their experiences, please let me know.
Monday, 22 June 2015
I'm missing directions of use, demonstration on how to use products.
Now don't get me wrong, I generally know how to use the products I buy, but I am paying good money for these products and I want to know how to use them to the best of their ability, how to get the most out of them.
I know there are a lot of Youtube tutorials out their on how to use things and the best way but it never seems to be on the things I need it to be on, for example the best amount of moisturiser for my skin type.
does that make sense ?
does anyone else feel the same way ?
Wednesday, 27 May 2015
Tuesday, 5 May 2015
The thing with anxiety is even when you're happy or comfortable with something, it's still there, it's still offering unhealthy and harmful thoughts, still nudging the back of your mind, it doesn't let you forget.
It wants to be felt, it wants you to know.
I am getting better with correcting these thoughts and trying to stop them before they escalate, but it's still a struggle.
Sunday, 26 April 2015
Thursday, 16 April 2015
Wednesday, 15 April 2015
Sunday, 1 March 2015
Monday, 9 February 2015
I suck as a human! I can't commit! But I'm going to keep fucking trying and that's all I can do.
So this past few weeks I realised how much time I spend wishing to be like others, be it have their sense of style or their lifestyle, i haven't been happy with myself and that sucks. And because I've spent so much time thinking like this I've forgotten what I want as me. Who am I ? What do I like? Where is this going ? Feeling like I'm stuck in a bit of rut.
On the plus side I've been quite productive these past couple of days and I'm proud of that.
Oh I am so going to start celebrating small victories.
Peace and love. Kez x