Sunday, 16 November 2014

The darkness

This is just something I wrote a little while ago and re read recently and felt a power from it.

It's those of us that feel abandoned by our families and friends. Those of us who feel outcast and ignored. It's us that turn to darkness when light fails us.  And if this light is so good why did it fail us in the first place. Why am I and everyone like me left to fend for ourselves left to realise the mind is an awful place to think, the heart it a horrible place to stay and that nothing can mean anything with out both and none of all of it, that we are all alone, lost, searching, confused, angry.

As I sit surrounded by a promise of light, I feel trapped and lost all at once, I feel scared and powerful, weak and indestructible. I cannot think one train of thought, for the mind doesn't not stop, but I must as I am pulled in so many directions, to so many "lights" that the darkness comforts me, as I sleep I'm held in it's arms, as I breathe I inhale it, while I close my eyes it relaxes me. 

For darkness does not make promises it cannot keep, it just offers what it has with honesty.
In darkness I am me, not a me as seen by others, not a me as thought of by others, not even the me I think of myself, but the truest me. 
I am left both defenceless and protected, and not once do I feel pulled or pushed or forced, I feel peace,honesty, openness. I cannot always live in darkness, or so I am told, but I do not have to for the darkness can live in me.

This is my work and may not be used without credit. 

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Left behind

Being in your early twenties is supposed to one of the best times of your life. 

Your "supposed" to be doing great things, finishing university, finding a great job, finding "the one".

We're taught from a young age that there is a sort of "list" of things we're supposed to do in life, and for people like me who don't know what they want to do, or what they want from life yet feel left behind, like we're failing at a life we've bearly begun to explore.

And that's the thing, there is no list of things we have to do, no time limit to when and what we do.
I'm still struggling with this myself, while I watch people I went to school with starting families of their own, graduating and getting their dream job, I'm sitting at home thinking "what the actuall fuck" as I realise my mum's not home and I'm going to have to cook for myself.

We have to remember time is a human conception, we invented time,no other spiecies lives to minutes and hours like we do. 

We don't need to know what we want to do at 22 even at 32. There is no hurry, just focus on being ourselves and being human. Dolphins don't panic about being rich and famous, dogs don't worry about what time they have to get up. 

Do what you feel is right for you right now. 
Hopefully I'll get better at remembering this myself.