Showing posts with label understanding my thought. Show all posts
Showing posts with label understanding my thought. Show all posts

Monday, 9 February 2015

I lied!!

I suck as a human! I can't commit! But I'm going to keep fucking trying and that's all I  can do.

So this past few weeks I realised how much time I spend wishing to be like others, be it have their sense of style or their lifestyle, i haven't been happy with myself and that sucks. And because I've spent so much time thinking like this I've forgotten what I want as me. Who am I ? What do I like? Where is this going ? Feeling like I'm stuck in a bit of rut.

On the plus side I've been quite productive these past couple of days and I'm proud of that.

Oh I am so going to start celebrating small victories.

Peace and love. Kez x

Sunday, 16 November 2014

The darkness

This is just something I wrote a little while ago and re read recently and felt a power from it.

It's those of us that feel abandoned by our families and friends. Those of us who feel outcast and ignored. It's us that turn to darkness when light fails us.  And if this light is so good why did it fail us in the first place. Why am I and everyone like me left to fend for ourselves left to realise the mind is an awful place to think, the heart it a horrible place to stay and that nothing can mean anything with out both and none of all of it, that we are all alone, lost, searching, confused, angry.

As I sit surrounded by a promise of light, I feel trapped and lost all at once, I feel scared and powerful, weak and indestructible. I cannot think one train of thought, for the mind doesn't not stop, but I must as I am pulled in so many directions, to so many "lights" that the darkness comforts me, as I sleep I'm held in it's arms, as I breathe I inhale it, while I close my eyes it relaxes me. 

For darkness does not make promises it cannot keep, it just offers what it has with honesty.
In darkness I am me, not a me as seen by others, not a me as thought of by others, not even the me I think of myself, but the truest me. 
I am left both defenceless and protected, and not once do I feel pulled or pushed or forced, I feel peace,honesty, openness. I cannot always live in darkness, or so I am told, but I do not have to for the darkness can live in me.


This is my work and may not be used without credit.